The Informavore

We made it to Texas yesterday. Barely.

After waking up to feed Elliott at 12:30, we got up at 2:30 a.m. We hit the road at 3:30 a.m. And drove for 11 1/2 hours. It was worth it for an extra half day with his Nana and Papa.

The big day has arrived and nearly passed – with Elliott snoozing in my lap as we speak. Or, type.

Corey came with me for the big drop off. Elliott was dressed in a cream velour striped romper. It had a collar so it was very “business on top, napping on bottom.” When I went to take the picture, Michella, (Michelle-uh) straightened out the legs of his outfit. It may seem inconsequential to some, but it was a small detail of attentiveness that I appreciated. Little did I know – Elliott would be wearing one of his backup outfits when I picked him up.

After we dropped him off, we walked to the front door. It was then that I realized I hadn’t signed something I thought I was supposed to sign. I got back to his room – and he was in the rocking chair with one of the foster grandparents (she is in the red shirt in the back). Elliott’s crib is under the tree. I peeked in through the two sided mirror before I picked him up. He was being rocked by a student worker – in a spare outfit I had packed.

Thus far – the first day has left me with many likes:
- “Foster grandparents” is an adorable concept on it’s own.
- Diligent notes about naps, feedings and diapers.
- They provide and make formula as well as washing the bottles. We leave his bottles there.
- I believe they wash his linens as well (I need to check his bag to be sure.)
- Diversity among the babies and staff.
- The teacher called to let me know he had his 4:30 bottle, even though I picked him up at 4:37.
- They stick to his schedule.
- I like that I can observe him without going in there.
- Most of all – he was content at drop off and pick up.

So far, so good. Now, I need to make myself some dinner and get this stinky boy a bath!

Right now, I’m exhausted. I’ve been watching the Halloween episodes of our favorite shows. (Community was brilliant.) Grey’s Anatomy is on in the background. (Always a tear-jerker) Elliott is sleeping in his Moses basket on the ottoman.

Today marked the beginning of the end. I went to Jones Jaggers to officially register Elliott for full-time day care starting Monday. The paperwork has been filled out and the first week has been paid for. For the past (nearly) three months, every waking moment of my days and nights have revolved around this little guy. I have scrambled to take a five minute shower while he screamed. I washed and made formula during naps. I fell behind on emails because he never napped when I needed him to. I crammed granola bars in my mouth when there wasn’t time to eat. I went to bed not being able to remember the last time I went to the bathroom. If I wasn’t the one feeding or changing him – I was in the next room. have been latched to him almost non-stop. It is all about to end. I will talk to adults face to face. I will get work done. I will leisurely use the bathroom and eat a hot lunch.

And yet the bitter overwhelms the sweet.

Everyone tells me that it is harder on the parents. Scratch that. It is harder on the moms. “Moms” being the ones who often stay home on maternity leave. Men can be “moms.” Moms know their babies’ rhythms and needs. I know when his diaper is wet without checking it. I know how to swaddle, hold and rock him. I know how to force him to sleep when he is too tired to know better. I know the games and conversations he loves to have. I know my baby better than anyone else in the world. Period.

Now, I have to put him in the care of people who have just met him. All I can picture are doomsday scenarios: him wailing – the workers annoyed. Nothing turns my stomach more. People who don’t know how to care for Elliott dreading the sight of him. Elliott receiving a little less love and care, fewer cuddles and more stress.

This probably isn’t the case. I will drop him off and he will meet new people. He will meet other babies and be challenged to grow and develop. He will play, eat, nap – and yes, fuss. I will pick him up after work and he will still be tickled. We will talk about the parts of our face, play big and little, read baby haiku/what’s wrong pookie, exercise on the baby gym and giggle back and forth.

This will make his life easier when he goes to day care in the future.

So why is it making me feel miserable right now?

This is the end of an era. My leave is coming to an end. I’m going to miss my time with Elliott. Sure, I could wean myself by dropping him off with the sitters at the gym.

But I don’t want to.

I want to cuddle with my baby for what little time I have left.

Before I go back to work and get some freedom again.

I don’t know much about developmental milestones – but with only a little more than a week to the three month mark – we are full-on clingy. Four times I tried to lay (lie? Argh, grammar!) him down and each time he’d wake up and whine to be held.

I’ve been wearing the sling around the house so I could get something done. Can’t complain, though. It’s nice to be needed.

We added the WordPress app to my iPhone, in hopes I may blog a bit more. Ahhh, hands on apps to make life easier. Elliott has his own – though – it’s a hippo wrist rattle that runs on soy formula.