Not so much. At least not yet.

Upon returning to the office on Friday, the question everyone wanted to ask me was “Are you buying an iPad?” I’ve been an early adopter of the iPhone–twice sneaking away from camp to procure the new device. Despite the hype and the potential the iPad presents, I will not be giving Steve Jobs $500+ this Spring. Keep reading to find out why.

The iPad is a device about consumption not production.

Jobs heralded the iPad as a new, third class of Apple products that exists somewhere between the iPods and the MacBooks. Does the world need such a device? Not really. The notion of single or even tri-functional devices is so 20-aughts. Jobs also came out swinging against netbooks, speaking about the limited capacity the devices have. The world needs neither promises. Here’s the deal, though: the iPad has less functionality than many netbooks. This is especially true when you consider the absence of multitasking and webcams–features found in even a $200 refurbished machine running Linux.

What the iPad wants you to do is simply consume information, not produce it. The internet, movies, music, television, and ebooks are at the heart of the device. Take in every bit of information you can (as long as it doesn’t involve Flash), but don’t bet on producing much. Despite the fact that part of the announcement included the unveiling of specialized versions of the iWork suite of apps and even a fully-functioning hardware keyboard, Apple doesn’t want you to get anything done while using the iPad.

What I think the market was expecting was something more MacBook than iPod. I guess what I really wanted was a MacSlate rather than the iPad.

It lacks the one thing I wanted it have.

After spending 10 days in Greece earlier this month, I became particularly fond of the power to have face-to-face conversations via Skype. Being able to connect with friends and family through this use of technology is a small update to offer. In fact, many teardowns of similar devices peg the cost of adding such a camera around $10. Despite my comments of hesitate about the device, I can do everything the device offers through a combination of my iPhone and netbook. As such, even the nice form factor and access to apps means that I’ll be saying no. Just today, the developing community began to share that the code exists within OS 3.2 to offer video chat. That’s something for which we can look forward–maybe even as soon as this summer.

We still don’t know what OS 4.0 will allow us to do.

As I’ve said on Twitter and Facebook, the most conspicuous absence from Wednesday’s event was not anything hardware related but software. When reports ran around the internet in the days leading up to Wednesday about devices running OS 3.2 in the wild, many in the tech community speculated this was a part of the misinformation machine working to confuse what might be legitimate information showing up in the rumor mill. Not so. Everyone simply assume we’d see OS 4.0 as part of the rollout.

Apple has been fairly clockwork about sharing major integer updates on its iPhone OS each Spring. Perhaps Wednesday was just too soon to let the cat out of the bag. Maybe big things are the in works; however, it would have seemed that Wednesday would have been the perfect time to let the cat out of the bag. Maybe, instead, Apple wants to save the real fun for this summer’s updated iPhone. Maybe not.

We mere mortals can only speculate about the mind of Steve Jobs.

Am I excited about the iPad?

Yes. I think the comics community will be one of the biggest winners as a result of the device. A color e-reader with a dedicated bookstore means we should see graphic novels or trades from Marvel and DC in the iBookstore by the end of the year. Is this the kind of device I can give my mom, a person how hates the very thought of computers? You bet.

The challenge with early adoption of any kind is that all the pieces are not in place at launch. Many of my gripes will likely be fixed with software. With Apple’s newfound love of dongles and cords for the iPad, there’s even the possibility that an iSight camera could be added to the device…probably at a $50 premium.

I guess I’ll have to wait until next January to find out. Or the 2010 Holiday season if sales don’t take off.

Until then, enjoy this video of my childhood hero Pee Wee Herman getting his hands on the iPad.

Then, after some vocal pondering, “Is that a uterus? Does he really have a shirt with a uterus on it?”, our curiosity and observations were appeased! I Heart Guts is a delightful little site that offers happy and productive guts on t-shirts, pins and stuffed toys.

You know how sometimes TV Guide will put out a week’s issue with a series of 4 different covers with different cast-mates of [Current T.V. show]. On the inside – it’s the same T.V. Guide. Same times. Same shows. It’s just the cover that’s different. With a comic book variant – there will be something sparkly and super duper special about a cover that is different from the one that’s in mass production. So say – out of 10 issues of T.V. Guide – 9 of them have Hurley on them, and only one has Sawyer. Sawyer is the variant. Got it? Easy peasy. Comic book with an insert about Spiderman saving Obama at the inauguration. Easy. Right?

Wrong. SO wrong. Because the one variant is invariably worth more than the regular issues.

But the thing about this variant: it was an [Edit: Super special screwy] incentive plan for Marvel. Marvel tells the comic book shop, “Say you ordered x-number of Spiderman issues last time. For every, say, 20 extra issues you order, we’ll give you a variant.” Not a big deal for your gigantic comic book stores, they can easily order more, somewhat difficult for your lower sized chains. There’s the first print ultra-limited edition with a blue background, that’s the one that came out today. So folks were lining up all over the place today to get their hands on the Obama variant of Spiderman.  Here’s how I spent the most terrifying morning of 2009.

So – my resident comic book geek hubs – has been feverishly asking me to go pick up a copy of the variant for like, the past week. There’s only one comic book store in town and it opens at 10 a.m.

Hubs: “You have to get there early. Get there before 10.”

Moi: “Yeahyeahyeahwhatever.”

Hubs: “No. I’m being serious. You really need to get there early.”

Moi: “Mmmkay.”

So I get there at 9:55 and there are three middle aged men, god bless ‘em, standing in line outside the door. Part of me wanted to say, “If there are only three of you – you probably don’t need to be in a line.” But this was the Whopper Virgin in me coming out because, as I learned, fewer people does not mean less insanity.

Strolling like rockstars clad in olive colored trenchcoats and weathered Magic the Gathering tournament t-shirts, the comic book store employees unlock the store. I follow behind the three line guys who obviously were in the know because why else would grown men be lined up outside the comic book store at 10 in the morning. We pass by the back wall with all of the new issues out there. No Obama variant.

Employee 1: We have the Obama variants up here behind the counter. One per customer.

We get up there. There are only five copies. I’m number four in line.

So as I stand in line, a couple comes in asking where the Spiderman Obama comics are located. Employee 1 tells them they’re in the back. They look, and its the regular Spiderman issue. The Hurley, if you will. They return to the front saying that they were there yesterday and reserved a copy.

Now – with these variants, the store doesn’t reserve copies. It’s a first come – first serve basis. And with lil ole me standing number four in line, there was only one left. I think they were saving the last copy to put on display or mark-up for later. But as the couple proceeds to grow increasingly angry – the manager tells them,

Manager: The distributors only gave us five. This is the last one we have – but it’s yours.

Now – another customer comes in saying that they called to reserve the special Obama cover. Same story – you can’t reserve the variant, it’s a first come first serve basis. Only this time – all the issues are sold out. And it’s like, 10:05 a.m. So – say you set your clocks 5 or 10 minutes slow…you just screwed out of your book. Now – I can understand a lot of people’s frustrations. If you didn’t know how limited they were – you would think it would be like getting jeans at the Gap or asking Barnes and Noble to set aside a book for you, wouldn’t there be more in the back?

Angry customer:”What do you mean you only had five? I called and asked to have some reserved yesterday!”

At this point it seems as though some hapless employee was answering the phone all day yesterday and telling folks, “Yeah, we have the Spiderman/Obama book in stock” when what folks were asking for was the variant cover that’s been all over the news. Now – you just opened your store and will be spending the entire day dealing with pissed off people who got there at 10:07 a.m. only to have it sold out. Well – at least you weren’t in NYC or another major metropolitan area…where folks lined up outside for hours.

As I left, I told them, “Hope your day gets better.”

Later – the hubs and I did a good deed and bought a small Spiderman cake to take to the comic book store folks. He’s been a regular customer for years and wanted to be nice. He went inside and told them that I was the one in the pink hoodie that was there earlier to get the variant. They were pretty excited about getting the cake.

So – they got their cake. Hubs got his comic book. Everyone was happy.

Adweek:

“The fast-food chain has released the Whopper Sacrifice application on Facebook. The app rewards people with a coupon for BK’s signature burger when they cull 10 friends. Each time a friend is excommunicated, the application sends a notification to the banished party via Facebook’s news feed explaining that the user’s love for the unlucky soul is less than his or her zeal for the Whopper.

The effort crafted by Crispin Porter + Bogusky came about after agency creative staffers confronted the too-many-friends scenario themselves on Facebook.

“We thought there could be some fun there, removing some of these people who are friends [but] not necessarily] best friends,” said Jeff Benjamin, executive interactive creative director at Crispin, and friend to 736 on Facebook. “It’s asking the question of which love is bigger, your love for your friends or your love for the Whopper,” he said.

The app also adds a box to user profile pages charting their progress toward the free burger with the line, “Who will be the next to go?”

Really, Burger King? REALLY?

Now – I can buy the sacrificing part. In a way – it’s kind of clever. But sending a message to the sacrificee about their “less-than-Whopper-like” status among the sacrificer? REALLY? Most folk I know take that shit PERSONALLY.

On the bright side, when you’re laid up in the hospital from your coronary from consuming too many Whoppers – that’s ten less people crowding up the place during visiting hours.

Then again – this is all the King really wants. Free advertising and publicity. (Shakes fist in air) I’ll get you next time – marketers!

(photo via NYT blog)

Ugh. Xboxes and iPods are so plebeian. Sure – tech gifts may be a bit more sparsely littered under trees this unusually frugal holiday season – but what do you give the savvy pop-culturalist who has it all?

Their own freaking Muppet.

The blogs over at the New York Times note that for a mere $130, you too can create your own piece of felt fabulosity. This past November, the Fifth Avenue FAO Schwartz opened it’s doors to “the only place in the world where you can get a customized Muppet.” While it’s not the Kermits or Gonzos of Muppet show fame – you are able to construct your own “Whatnot” – one of the brightly colored anonymous extras. Between eyes, noses, wigs and brightly colored torsos – it’s like Build-a-Bear only infintely more awesome.

Sadly – unless you’re in NYC – the online shop won’t be available until mid-February 2009.

“Real men beat their meat, not their women and children.”

Check out the site for more politically/socially/culturally conscious t-shirts. If not – then keep rocking what you’ve got on. It brings out your eyes.