The “It Gets Better” campaign has been the subject of a couple of conversations around our house as of late. I think it is an incredibly valuable and touching effort – reaching out to LGBTQ teens who can’t picture what life as an openly gay/transgendered individual would be like. From Hillary Clinton to Neil Patrick Harris to Ellen to Fort Worth City Counsel Member Joel Burns, public and private figures have voiced support for teenagers having to endure verbal and physical abuse from peers.
This support is necessary, vital and insufficient on its own.
As Corey has pointed out – there is something troubling about having to encourage someone to have to wait for things “to get better.” When are we going to start calling out the aggressors who perpetuate the bullying? When are we going to start making empathy and power part of our school curriculum?
What always gets under my skin about these ‘bullying’ stories (from attacking LGBTQ teens to slut shaming) is how often you hear that the torment was prolonged and well documented. There are students and teachers who are aware of the aggressor/target dynamic but never intervene. There are parents who complain to administrators but nothing gets done. This lack of action continues until something tragic and irreversible happens. Then, there’s the apologia and witch hunt. Then, these aggressive, perhaps misguided, teens become demonized – their lives and reputations destroyed due to actions that their peers, teachers and parents allowed through passive observation. Are they responsible for bullying their victims? Yes. Are those of us who observe this aggression on a singular or daily basis responsible as well? You betcha.
People act out in all sorts of ways. Some of these bullies do so because they are ‘taught’ that being LGBTQ is worthy of punishment. Some bullies do it because they are powerless elsewhere in life and find some validation in lashing out. Soon, you have adults who still subscribe to this same basic principle – power trumps empathy. I’m no criminal psychologist – but I’d be willing to bet that the struggle between power and empathy fuels many acts of violence, be it seuxal, physical, or emotional.
We *have* to tell teens who are made to feel marginalized and worthless that it gets better. But we’re not doing them any favors if we don’t start telling the teens with the “power” that this behavior and attitude is unacceptable. We have to sit down with kids, like Jane Elliot did with her Brown Eyes/Blue Eyes experiment and start working on how we treat other people. We have to start talking before things get to the breaking point. Most of all – we have to start shedding our outdated beliefs of those around us. We have to acknowledge that not all bullies are big lumbering neanderthals or overly made-up popular girls.
Anyone can be a bully. But no one needs to be a victim.
