The Informavore

Right now, I’m exhausted. I’ve been watching the Halloween episodes of our favorite shows. (Community was brilliant.) Grey’s Anatomy is on in the background. (Always a tear-jerker) Elliott is sleeping in his Moses basket on the ottoman.

Today marked the beginning of the end. I went to Jones Jaggers to officially register Elliott for full-time day care starting Monday. The paperwork has been filled out and the first week has been paid for. For the past (nearly) three months, every waking moment of my days and nights have revolved around this little guy. I have scrambled to take a five minute shower while he screamed. I washed and made formula during naps. I fell behind on emails because he never napped when I needed him to. I crammed granola bars in my mouth when there wasn’t time to eat. I went to bed not being able to remember the last time I went to the bathroom. If I wasn’t the one feeding or changing him – I was in the next room. have been latched to him almost non-stop. It is all about to end. I will talk to adults face to face. I will get work done. I will leisurely use the bathroom and eat a hot lunch.

And yet the bitter overwhelms the sweet.

Everyone tells me that it is harder on the parents. Scratch that. It is harder on the moms. “Moms” being the ones who often stay home on maternity leave. Men can be “moms.” Moms know their babies’ rhythms and needs. I know when his diaper is wet without checking it. I know how to swaddle, hold and rock him. I know how to force him to sleep when he is too tired to know better. I know the games and conversations he loves to have. I know my baby better than anyone else in the world. Period.

Now, I have to put him in the care of people who have just met him. All I can picture are doomsday scenarios: him wailing – the workers annoyed. Nothing turns my stomach more. People who don’t know how to care for Elliott dreading the sight of him. Elliott receiving a little less love and care, fewer cuddles and more stress.

This probably isn’t the case. I will drop him off and he will meet new people. He will meet other babies and be challenged to grow and develop. He will play, eat, nap – and yes, fuss. I will pick him up after work and he will still be tickled. We will talk about the parts of our face, play big and little, read baby haiku/what’s wrong pookie, exercise on the baby gym and giggle back and forth.

This will make his life easier when he goes to day care in the future.

So why is it making me feel miserable right now?

This is the end of an era. My leave is coming to an end. I’m going to miss my time with Elliott. Sure, I could wean myself by dropping him off with the sitters at the gym.

But I don’t want to.

I want to cuddle with my baby for what little time I have left.

Before I go back to work and get some freedom again.

I don’t know much about developmental milestones – but with only a little more than a week to the three month mark – we are full-on clingy. Four times I tried to lay (lie? Argh, grammar!) him down and each time he’d wake up and whine to be held.

I’ve been wearing the sling around the house so I could get something done. Can’t complain, though. It’s nice to be needed.

Me: “Every time I see a woman in labor on t.v. it makes me want to vomit. Do you remember how many times I threw up that day?”

Corey: “Yeah, it was *really* unpleasant.”

Me: “Really? Tell me how unpleasant it was for you, dear.”

We added the WordPress app to my iPhone, in hopes I may blog a bit more. Ahhh, hands on apps to make life easier. Elliott has his own – though – it’s a hippo wrist rattle that runs on soy formula.

Dear friends with babies and blogs,

HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

I use the question/exclamation mark combo quite earnestly. I’m still on maternity leave and I’m running ragged with feeding, burping, changing, diapering, making bottles, cleaning bottles, learning the parts of our face, chatting, playing with toys, swaddling, shooshing, nap whispering – and THEN darting in the shower for 3 minutes and brushing my teeth. Sometimes, when Corey is home, I get to blow dry my hair too!

But y’all are out there with real life – juggling jobs and (for some of you) multiple young-ins. And yet – you still manage to put together blog posts on a regular basis. HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

I feel so embarassed. There have been plenty of blog worthy moments. The trip to Jackson’s Orchard. Elliott’s first WKU football game. Learning to babble and smile. His two month check-up (23.75 inches and 12lb 10oz). All noteworthy occasions. I’m struggling to keep up with the baby journal my mom purchased. I’m all like, “ACK! He’s already out growing clothes?!”

Sigh. You all make it look so easy.

Sincerely,

Bad Baby Blogger